5 things that people do that drive you BAT SHIT CRAZY!

  1. PEOPLE WHO CAN’T LIVE WITHIN THEIR MEANS! I used to work with a girl (who shall remain nameless) who was in serious debt. She owed tens of thousands of dollars on three different credit cards. None of my business. Each to their own, you say. Well, that’s what I used to think too. Until I spent countless hours at work hearing about how hard it was to pay off debt and how she never had any money to do anything. Never mind, that she’d come into the office with a new handbag every Monday, her nails done, or every second week her hair freshly dyed. Now, I don’t know about you, but when I’m saving, the first thing off the list is nails and hair. It’s lunches from home and the bus to work and instant coffee if I’m desperate. Really girl, just live within your means. Ain’t nobody got time for credit card debt (or your whiney stories!) Ouch!
  2. HOUSE GUESTS FROM HELL! Let me give you an example while the memory’s still fresh. I had a friend from overseas come and stay the night. It had literally been ten years since we’ve seen each other. We had a roaring old time, recounting old stories over a few glasses of red wine. We gossiped, we laughed—honestly it was the best night. In the morning over freshly brewed coffee and croissants (thanks SilverFox) we bid her adieu. Great! That was, until I went into the bathroom and discovered that she had left a massive unflushed whopper turd, (complete with skid marks) in the toilet and had used my toothbrush that morning. Don’t even get me started on pube-gate. I have no words…
  3. WHEN YOUR SKINNY FRIEND GIVES YOU DIET ADVICE! Oh lord, just make it stop. Your already skinnier-than-Nicole-Ritchie best friend is suddenly a sugar-quitting-quazi-vegan with a sprinkle of paleo. Awesome! Fantastic! Y’all know how churchy people like to preach about their religion, well next thing you know, she’s telling you how coffee is really bad for your adrenal glands, and if you ate a raw quinoa avocado chocolate cake it would be much lower in GI. It doesn’t stop there. Then she asks what you eat in a typical day—oh no you didn’t! Don’t make me come over there and sit on you—because you know I’d totally squash your skinny ass like a marshmallow oozing out of a campfire s’more.
  4. PEOPLE WHO CORRECT YOU. ALL THE TIME! Honestly, these people need a whistle and a beret because they take it upon themselves to correct you at any opportunity. Say you mispronounce something, next thing you know they’re mouthing the word to you like a deaf person, entre-pren-eur, or ca-co-pho-ny. Or, remember that time you said you were getting bitten alive by mosquitos! Big mistake. This type of person announces to the whole group that ‘You got bitten twice, you hardly got eaten alive.’ and then look to the group for confirmation that again, they are right, right, right. Honestly, why don’t they just go count some pavement cracks or something equally as riveting!
  5. SAYING ‘NO OFFENCE BUT…’ AND THEN INSULTING YOU! Oh yeah, we all know this person. There’s usually one in every office. And, usually the same person who eats your lunch and pretends they didn’t know it was yours, has the last of the milk and puts the empty bottle back into the office fridge and never coughs up for farewell gifts. Let’s just say, this person is an all round douche bag. Me? I say, ‘No offence but…you should really go jump off a cliff!’ WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA’AM!

[the food] So tell me, what else drives you bat shit crazy? [/the food]