I don’t know what has happened to me this week—there have been tears—and lots of them. I’m not really that much of a crier, but occasionally I love a good sob. If you were to ask friends, they’d probably say that I’m the strong, stoic one in the group. (Not really, but I know, that’s what they’d say.) That said, there’s nothing better than listening to soppy music in the car and letting it all out. (Always feels so dramatic, doesn’t it?)
The Not Crying Rule doesn’t apply if someone else cries; then my heart breaks into a million tiny pieces. I hate seeing anyone upset. It appears that not only am I a sympathetic vomiter, I’m also a sympathetic crier too. Go figure!
This week has been different, though. I woke up on Monday and cried in the shower. (I also love a good cry in the shower.) Then when I hopped out, I just couldn’t stop. I curled up in a ball on the shower mat, naked, and sobbed until I couldn’t breathe. (Sorry to paint that image in your mind.) After I’d calmed down, I went and got dressed and cried some more. I put some makeup on, and by the end I looked like Britney Spears had done my makeup. Hello, car crash!
FYI, JUST SO YOU KNOW, I CAN TOTALLY ROCK THE UGLY CRY.
I spent my entire lunch break in the bathroom alternating between crying and gasping for air. FYI, just so you know, I can totally rock the ugly cry. Then I had to wait it out, while the redness in my eyes faded and I spent the rest of the day dodging everyone because I knew if anyone asked how I was, I would just fall apart.
I would lose it.
I hope whatever this is, passes. It know it always does, but when you’re in sitting in the centre of it, it feels like it will never end.
Like it will never stop.
I bet you’re wondering why? Nothing has happened. In fact, everything is great—amazing, even. I have an amazing job I love. I’m killing it on the side, with a few other projects. I have SilverFox back in Sydney by my side. Everything is dandy.
I think this all started a few weeks ago when I had an epiphany of sorts. A middle of the night awakening. It got me thinking that I’ve been chasing all the wrong things. Chasing fools gold, if you will. I think deep down it unsettled me. It’s also made me look at things differently. In that moment, everything made sense. It was like time stopped and for a fleeting second, I felt like it all made sense. Like, life made sense.
I can’t wait to share more, but for now I’ll just wait til this passes. Ride it out. Cry until, I can cry no more. Hopefully everything will be clear again soon. MC
Stay tuned, I’ll be sharing my journey as apart of the Work / Life Balance Experiment.