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nicki

The Ultimate Guide To Detecting A Creeper!

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A friend and I were talking about Creepers and lamenting, that they’re literally everywhere. Work! Facebook! Instagram! Everywhere! These days, Im on high alert for any potential Creepers—having dealt with my fair share. (You’ve gotta nip that shit in the bud early!) No idea, just want a Creeper is? I thought so! That’s why I’ve written The Ultimate Guide To Detecting A Creeper. Every time I spot a Creeper, I can’t help but hear ‘The Creep’ by Nicki Minaj and John Walters. Haven’t heard it before too? Oh, you’re in for a treat! Check it out below. Stay safe, and may you never have to deal with a creepy Creeper! Remember, safety in numbers people. MC
 
 

[the food]HOW TO DETECT A CREEPER 101 [/the food]

  1. They like an instagram photo every so often, despite the fact, that they don’t follow you. Creeper Alert!
  2. Worse, they like 50 photos in a row, even though they don’t follow you. Creeper Alert!
  3. They get that glazed-over-jealous-but-smiling look when you tell them some good news. Creeper Alert!
  4. They try and get really close to people you know. The old ‘Hey, we should do coffee’. You ask your friends about it, who are all over it. They know something is seriously off too. We are so onto you, but just so you know, I’m sending my friends to the frontline to get the DL. Take that! Creeper Alert!
  5. They post really weird ‘serial killer vibe’ selfies on the gram that you know took them 50 tries. It’s the weird head cocked to the side, intense stare to camera. Creeper Alert!
  6. They sign up to your mailing list, then pretend they haven’t heard of your blog. Okay, that totally happened. Creeper Alert!
  7. You meet them for a second at a party, and an hour later they’re on your facebook, twitter, instagram…and pinterest. If they follow you on pinterest too, you need security! Creeper Alert!
  8. They take ‘on the sly’ photos and videos of you, ‘pretending to text’ someone. A creeper once took an ‘on the sly’ photo of my wedding ring. Puh-lease! Creeper Alert!
  9. You’re not friends with them, but they always seem to pop up in the ‘people you might know’ panel on facey. Facebook stalker, perhaps? Creeper Alert!
  10. From my experience, they usually like to hide in dark corners at parties, or the opposite, pretend they’re the centre of attention. Usually always insecure, and give off ‘that’ vibe. Y’all know what I’m talking about. You can’t even put it into words, it just makes you shudder! Creeper Alert!

[the food]THE CREEPER THEME SONG! [/the food]

MORE IMPORTANTLY,
WHAT DO YOU THINK POSSUM?

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